Yes, we know ourselves. First, we leave it because there's the King's cake and it's better to start on January 7th. But I have vacation until the 10th, and there's leftover nougat, so I prefer to wait for the return to routine. And I get to the gym and it's packed. There are no free machines or space in the class I want. Besides, there's a birthday, and how can I not eat the cake. I get frustrated.
According to experts, a new year on the calendar really has a clean slate effect in terms of getting our brains to start working to become the person we truly want to be. However, "expectations are unrealistic and we are very self-demanding," explains the renowned psychiatrist Javier García Campayo about the quick abandonment of resolutions. "Either we do it perfectly from the beginning or we consider it a failure."
We give up in just two weeks
That's why, "in a few days, we see that we can't maintain that impossible level and we give up," according to the expert. For example, data from multiple surveys and behavior analyses, although many of them are usually commercial, cite around 80% of people abandoning their resolutions before February ends.
A study found that immediate rewards are more related to persistence in goal-related activities (including resolutions), while delayed rewards (such as future health benefits) are not as much. This helps explain why many give up when results don't come quickly.
Longitudinal research has shown that many people do not maintain their goals even during the first two months of the year, and that motivation — more than external expectations — is key to sustaining those goals over time. Does 'failure' have to do with going from nothing to everything? Is perfection the enemy of good?
We believe that perfection is the enemy of good, and in the end, we don't act, according to a psychiatrist.Shutterstock
Dr. García Campayo agrees: "We have a cognitive distortion of the all-or-nothing type, a very dualistic view of the world. It's either perfect or a failure, and that demand is impossible for humans." From the psychiatrist's point of view, we have to learn to value the small daily successes. "If we go to the gym a few days, that's very good and is a significant improvement compared to not going. But we want everything to be perfect from the beginning and we condemn ourselves to failure."
Another problem is that we don't enjoy the process. For example, that CrossFit class and how it made me feel, focusing on the present and connecting. Instead, we seek immediate results. "Our society measures, evaluates, compares, and considers what is success and failure. We should realize that life is to be enjoyed, not to prove anything to others or ourselves," asserts the psychiatrist. He offers this tip: "Instead of 'I will go to the gym every day' (goal) generate a value. I will enjoy physical activity and try to kindly incorporate a new habit."
Exercising, quitting smoking, meditating, or acquiring a new skill, like learning a language. Whatever your genuine intention is, experience shows that by February, not only have these desires faded, but most people experience frustration and even "loss of self-esteem when they see they are not fulfilling them. And this happens year after year," says the psychiatrist.
"Almost all intentions are future-oriented, not present-oriented. Responsibility is left to such an ethereal concept as willpower, and they also become a self-assessment. All of this will usually lead to failure," diagnoses García Campayo.
How to maintain good habits in the long term
Dr. García Campayo believes in two good tools that can help us: self-compassion and training the mind "like a little puppy".
- Choose only one habit at a time and schedule it.
- In that habit, schedule small changes (go to the gym occasionally for a few weeks, not almost every day every week).
- Reward and self-reinforce when achieving those partial goals.
- Try to do activities with friends or in a stimulating way. Motivation is more effective when it is more prosocial, when one feels they are helping others.
- Set short-term goals (don't think: I will go to the gym all year, but rather see if I can go once a week this month).
- Repetition is key, small repeated changes over time change habits. This leads to memory consolidation.
To start changing certain habits, we have to know which behavior patterns trigger them, according to the psychiatrist. "We must identify what we gain, the positive aspects for us." And it is important to maintain presence, see the world differently, as if it were the first time: "Be fascinated by the functioning of our mind and try to understand it, discovering our repetitive patterns and modifying them." In short, if you want to succeed, don't seek impossible future goals, but be in the present moment and enjoy it, without rigid expectations.